You are moving? How exciting! Now what?
Moving abroad (or not), can be a very daunting process for kids. Like any other transition in their life, it can feel overwhelming and they may struggle to process all of the emotions associated with the move. Any parent will try and smooth the process for them, of course. I attempted to make it easier for my kids also. Here is my take on it from a mama who made her own international move with two kids DIY-style.
As we moved abroad last summer from Germany to Portugal, I wanted to make sure my children understood the process and would have as smooth a transition as humanely possible. They were aged 7 and 11 at the time.
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Tips to help kids have a smooth transition while moving abroad:
- Visual countdown
- Read books
- Memory book
- Stay in touch kits with little postcards
- Presentation about their new country
- Watch videos about new country
For weeks before our move, the kids and I watched age-appropriate YouTube videos about the sights, smells and tastes of our new country. We showed them photos and news from their future school, looked at Google Maps to familiarise ourselves with different areas. We looked at everything from shopping centers to restaurants near us, from tourist tips to football championships to animals unique to Portugal. We followed their interests (and ours) and tried to make them excited about their new country. Good goodbyes and happy hellos. - Get involved in decisions
We tried to involve the kids in as many decisions as we could. They were old enough for this and we felt it would give them more control over the move. From anything very basic to some major new home decision, we set up a weekly family meeting from the moment we told them we were moving to discuss everything and anything they or we needed to discuss. It was our Sunday morning routine and I loved it. We discussed emotions, friends, homes. We cried, laughed, picked a house with them, made plans and hugged a lot. Did I say it was very emotional? It was.
- Friends book aka "Freundebuch'
If you have lived in Germany with kids, you will know what a Freundebuch is. Translated as a friends' book, it is a little keepsake, children give their friends to keep a little memento of their time together usually at kindergarten or school. Even though I have a love-hate relationship with them, I ended up making little Freundebuch pages for my kids to give their friends and then stick in our memories workbooks. But this was quite fiddly.
Fast Forward to the following year and I still had not found a little friends book that especially catered to children moving internationally. I decided to create my own. Take a look at my store where you can purchase your own Friends' Book printable (to download and print from home) or a book version.
Fast Forward to the following year and I still had not found a little friends book that especially catered to children moving internationally. I decided to create my own. Take a look at my store where you can purchase your own Friends' Book printable (to download and print from home) or a book version.
- Say goodbye to the moving van/truck
This is not something I had entirely planned. I thought it would be useful for the kids to see at least part of the process of the movers loading everything in their van. But I didn't want them there all day either. Luckily, it was a school day and once they came back from school, the movers were still here. So they got to see the last few pieces being loaded and got to say goodbye to their belongings and the van. It was rather emotional. My youngest had a bit of a meltdown (from fatigue also) but it was necessary for him to understand his belongings would just be shipped and not disappear. - Revisiting empty places
Once the van had left, we went back to our apartment and took pictures of it empty. It felt odd. It felt like it wasn't our place anymore. The kids didn't want to stay long. They looked at their rooms and happily left the building. An empty apartment is not the same as one with all your toys in it. Once again, every child is different and some may not like to see their home empty. But I liked to be as transparent and opened about everything with them. I always made sure I explained everything as some of these thing may seem obvious to us, but they were not for them.
- Taking photos
We took lots and lots of pictures of everything they felt was important enough to remember. We had taken photos of our home while it was still untouched by the process. Just before we started selling, giving away, packing, etc, we took pictures of every room. The kids glued these in their transitions workbooks (see above). And we also took a few selfies in our empty apartment.
- It is bittersweet. Don't hide it.
Finally, and I think this is one of the best piece of advice I read out there. It comes from Susan Cain's work on bittersweetness: don't hide the bittersweetness to children. When saying goodbye physically to friends, colleagues, teachers, I didn't pretend it would not be bittersweet. We didn't pretend we would see everyone again. Goodbye is part of life. We will meet many of our friends again soon. But for many, we won't. And that is okay. That is life. Pretending you will see all of them again (because let's face it you won't) is not necessary. Also, my now 8-year-old barely remembers some of his classmates a year on. Life is a great big whole bittersweet transition. Wishing you good goodbyes and happy hellos!
Feel free to pay me coffee if you have found this at all useful and/or use one of my templates: paypal.me/thepiripirilexicon. Obrigada!
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